Are you dating a Boy-Man?
Many of you may enjoy a plethora of podcasts on a wonderful channel called The Thinkergirls Pod Channel. We have insightful and not so insightful chats about life, relationships and this year The Bachelor. A big issue that came up for me viewing and commentating on the show was the Boy Man / Girl Woman discussion. To be fair the main focus was the Boy / Man part but this certainly applies to all of us.
At what point do you stop pretending to be an adult and actually become one?
Dating is a funny time. It opened an opportunity for me and was a period of integral growth. Many people see the opportunity, accept it and dig in. Finding the funny in the f*cked, learning as much as possible, feeling vulnerable almost all of the time and growing enormously because of it.
Boy-man = boy pretending to be a man
But some are either in denial about the growth that needs to happen or perhaps right in the thick of it and can’t see they’re in the growth at all. I believe the honey badger falls under the later and suffers from the Boy-Man syndrome. A boy dressed up as a man. And whilst you may have heard my disgust with this phase and disappointment that a boy-man would be cast in a role that should be saved for a man-man, I realised that I too, at a stage in my life was a girl-woman.
I walked around saying I was looking for love, for a man, yet was still acting like a young girl with plenty of work to do. There is an amount of growing, wisdom and self-enquiry we must do to step from girl to woman or boy to man. Britney even sang about being in the middle of this. Now in hindsight, I think this was incredibly insightful.
The Boy-Man Honey Badger had us all deeply frustrated! Why did he enter a dating show to find love but continue to be a boy-man? Clearly not ready for commitment or the sacrifice it takes to be embedded in a relationship most of us are after. I was frustrated he wasn’t ready when he said he was. But after I started writing this I realised I’d been guilty of this too. I pleaded with guys to commit when we both knew we weren’t suited long-term. You see, we aim to be in a relationship. It’s natural. But it isn’t a smart idea to fall into something simply because it presents itself.
Like the honey badger, I wasn’t ready for the big relationship that I am in now. I dated guys who were more like intimate friends (with benefits) trying to turn it into an endgame, even though I knew it wasn’t quite right. I knew in my gut that I wasn’t ready but I ignored it causing myself pain, drama and wasted a lot of time.
We are so hideously encouraged to hurry to the couple place. If you are looking for love, it is my wish that you find it, but not before learning the lessons you need to learn.
Let’s play a game! (Can you tell I love an activity?)
Ask yourself the below questions:
Are you totally happy staying in, at home, by yourself on a Saturday night?
Are you able to see that some guys you date are great guys but not for you?
Have you ever had a time in your life where you have been on your own? (Min 6 months)
Are you doing any form of self-work? (Journaling, meditation, counselling or therapy, life coaching, yoga, reading self-help books) Psst you can sign up to my group coaching sessions HERE
Do you feel you know yourself? Yourself alone sans partner
If you answered no to any of these questions it may be time to think about whether you are playing the role of girl- woman or boy-man.
Trust me, you can be totally and utterly open, hopeful and excited to be in a relationship, but in denial about how ready you are.
Don’t skip steps, you’ll end up with a dud.
Till next time