How specific do you go without being 'picky?'
I’ve got a lot on my mind when it comes to starting new ventures and exploring new ideas. It’s great but the unknown is scary! Are you guys liking it? Are you understanding the content? Is it thought-provoking? How do I dream big but still stay focused on my plan? I am using all of my tools to trust my gut and being in the moment but trust is an action and the unknown is scary.
I have found a connection with where I am to where you may be when it comes to dating. How do we dream big but stay super specific when it comes to our ideal partner?
I gotchu boo.
If you signed up for the Single Pringle Workshop on values (you can purchase here) you may be starting to worry about being 'too specific'. Is my list now too small? Will it be harder to meet someone with so many specifics? How will I ever meet this person?
A follower commented recently “I’m on a path of self-discovery and creating specific values, but the number of men applicable becomes smaller and smaller”.
It’s funny because we don't think this way when we have a specific outfit we are looking for, do we? We’re all - ‘I need to wear red this weekend to Jen’s drinks and ONLY red’ and I will shop in a gazillion shops until I find the one that makes me feel good! Feeling is key here.
Through the dating and refining process, it's easy to get into our heads.
The idea of trusting something you don't know exists for sure (an ideal mate) is a huge challenge when we are single and looking for love. Man have I had big self doubty days. In the Finding your Intuition Worksheet I talk about daydreaming and how the lost childhood past time is something that we as adults shouldn’t dismiss as child’s play.
Loss of hope and lack of control are what my beautiful follower is really worrying about when we freak about getting specific. The worry that perhaps we are casting the net too small and that we won’t give ourselves the chance to meet the most amount of people. Yet all this guarantees us is the ability to continue to meet many people rather than the right people. Being specific brings you closer to them not further away.
Let's do a daydreaming exercise for you to start to feel something to trust.
Sometimes a picture on a piece of paper or a person you are thinking about whom you haven't met is hard to feel therefore hard to trust.
Let’s try and bring to life what you are backing so it allows you to sit more comfortably in the waiting.
Day Dream Exercise
Close your eyes and take x5 box breaths. Don't rush. Breathe in for 4,hold for 4, breathe out for 4, hold for 4. Start to think about where you would be on your ideal date.
What will you wear, what is an ideal dress code for you? What is an outfit that makes you feel like your real self? Imagine the music and the smells at this place.
Now imagine your ideal date to walk in. He or she is looking for you, and you nervously wave at them to show them where they are.
Watch their eyes spark up at you, the same the way your tummy has started to kick around.
Imagine the things you talk about. Imagine the way he laughs and the way you laugh.
Imagine him telling you he wants to see you again.
Now complete the exercise with x5 box breaths.
Write down some value traits of this person.
When we start to explore feelings rather than thoughts we are more likely to back ourselves, and potentially back things we can't see or touch yet. They are out there if you want them to be. Just how willing are you to committing?
Ensure you are doing the work on yourself to dream as big as you can and work on yourself to be the best partner back you can be - all whilst trusting the timing and letting go off the road it takes you to get there. Easy right? Wrong. But just keep trying...